Lately I have had the distinct displeasure of being exposed to noise. Noise is a nice word, meaning music that is crap. I hesitate to use the phrase "crappy music" because that would imply that what I have been listening to has resemblance to music, which it doesn't.
First and foremost, the addictive abomination that is American Idol, comes into my home twice a week and pollutes the air with sweet pop stink that eminates from my TV set. I know I don't have to watch it, but you don't have to watch a spectacular car crash either. American Idol is wrong in so many ways, I don't know where to begin. I'll start with the first that I can think of. It normalizes horrid music and makes people think that the "music" on American Idol is the standard, and that the singers are doing it well. Wrong on all accounts. Do you know how bad I would love to see Vinnie Paul Abbott from Pantera beat Sanjaya to death on live TV? American Idol also gives hope to horrible musicians that they can make music and sell it. The horrific plague of rap music has proven that anything can sell, but you definitely don't want to promote it. The last thing about American Idol that I will list is that it identifies Paula Abdul as a musician. Paula, smoking a record producers pole until he screams high C is not making music. And cut back on the Xanax bars and whisky prior to the show. Your dumbass is showing.
The other abomination that has stricken my life recently is a Disney/Billy Ray Cyrus created monstrosity called Hannah Montana. Apparently, BRC is smoking some pole and landed his daughter in a Disney TV show that features her as a singer. Well, the apple didn't fall too far from the tree in this case, because like her father before her, Hannah (Miley Cyrus is her real name) couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Apparently, she does have a skill of planting subliminal messages in her "music" that is only noticed by 9-11 year old girls (the rocket offspring) and makes them crave all Disney products.
The last and definitely the dirtiest is Gwen Stefani. The reason I loathe her the most is because she actually used to make great music. No Doubt was a killer ska band and definitely one of my favorites. She turned to the dark side, or should I say the crap side, as soon as she married no talent, flash in the pan, Gavin Rossdale. Yeah, Bush had some decent music despite him, but I think his overall suckiness bled over to her through the womb when they conceived their children. Now, Gwen, who once kicked ass, is a horrible corporate shill squeeling out drivel for the masses.
Overall, I think the problem with music today is a lack of heroin. No one does it anymore, and no good music is being made. Layne Staley and Kurt Cobain, send your heroin addled ghosts back to earth and show Sanjaya and Hannah how to make some music that is actually listenable. Dimebag, come back from the dead and shoot Sanjaya up with a big dose of smack, and make him see Shiva and write a grunge album so filled with pain and passion that it oozes like hot blood from my radio and changes my life.
Or, just shoot him up with a hot dose and kill him. Either one will do.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Amen on all of it except Hannah Montana. Dude, we saw Hannah at the rodeo. Kid was pretty good (she's 14)! Show's mild, no smartass kids/befuddled parents/inappropriate child's clothing. With the sexualization of little girls being what it is, any show like that has my t.v. captive.
American Idol sucks, and it's voted on "by the people", so it really, REALLY sucks, because "the people" exclusively listen to Top 40 radio. Out of the whole franchise, three have broken out with actual talent: Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Chris Daughtry. IMO, of course. And Jennifer Hudson, who got voted off early on yet won a fucking Oscar for "Dreamgirls".
Post a Comment